C.R.E.A.M.

Greetings from Temp-town, population, ME!

You can usually find me sitting behind a reception desk, calculating my take-home pay, braiding my hair, or memorizing the lyrics to such seminal works as Ludacris' "What's Your Fantasy?". (You wish I was joking.)

Even though I function as little more than a decorative houseplant at most of my jobs, I still manage to find a little time in my staring-into-space-schedule to get a little thinking done on the job.

Thus, I present, for your consideration:
"My Typical Day in Temp Town"

8:00 - Arrive at temp office - status: barely conscious.

8:05 - Settle into uncomfortable chair, read about LiLo's (Lindsay Lohan, for those not in the know, natch) latest cootch exploits. Oh, Lilo!

9:27 - Pray I won't get sent anywhere for the day, but that means no money. This is kind of a double-edged sword, because both concepts kind of blow.

9:43 - Bored, kind of stir crazy in that itchy sort of way. Don't want to sit down any more, tired of reading about celebabies. End up getting sent to some office, somewhere. Crap.

10:00 - Arrive at office. Ask for directions to kitchen and bathroom. And when's my break, by the way? Get coffee, stuff pockets with tea bags.

10:40 - Snoop through drawers. Use lotion, observe surrounding photos, religious bric-a-brac and inspirational quotes. Occasionally answer phone, but this is rare.

11:02 - Check myspace, e-mail, new york times and gawker continuously. Repeat.

1:19 - Finally go to lunch. By this point have chewed all the gum in my purse because was so hungry. Buy chips at a bodega because I can't afford $9 midtown sandwich. Cry.

1:52 - Go to Sephora and try on every kind of makeup within reach for lack of anything else to do on lunch break. Return to office looking kind of whore-ish.

2:47 - Someone inevitably tries to teach me "the correct way" to lick envelopes. Am incapable of informing them that I'm only here for one day, and that I don't need any "lessons," thank you.

3:04 - Scavenge for food left from corporate meetings. (Usually leftover pasta salad, a few pieces of pineapple, and a sandwich ripped in half.) Never know if I'm allowed to eat this, so usually stuff all of it in my purse and eat it in quick bursts from under my desk, into my mouth. Subsequently, feel like hobo.

4:37 - At this point, have left myspace comments for everyone I've ever known, as am bored to tears.

5:15 - Braid hair into Princess Leia buns. Can I go home yet?

5:21 - Clandestinely sneak out of office, taking all the tea bags I can carry with me.


....And that's my usual day, except I'm somewhere different every single time.

(Psst! Just between you and me? Temping can actually be kind of fun, once you get past the boredom. It's pretty freeing when you don't ever have to know where "Josh from Accounts Payable" sits or how to make an Excel chart. I'm here for one day! What do I know?)